Flirtatious Hats.

The army green hat never saw her before. It was a small, innocent hat with a dent in the middle of the top. A slick silk piece of strand tied around its belly. Always tightened nice and sir'ly. He always had a fabric eye out for the soft pink ball cap that used to settle herself on the cashier counter of the store. Tucked in the back right corner of the store, where the wall decorations gave her a wonderful splendor, an exhilarating extra touch of beauty. Every aspect of the store suited her well, and he knew they would never make a Vogue magazine together. It would be either her in the summer edition or him in the Fall edition. Never would they be seen together. This brought him to a major disappointment, as if the purpose of his existence had been stolen out of his 30 dollar life. Slipped from his textured fabric, slippery like the silk of his belly. The inside of Mr. Army-hat felt so hollow now, no head would be able to fill it completely. One day a small, blond girl chose Miss Pink-hat. The army green hat just hung there, silent and motionless on his hat stand. Watched the pieces of paper with dollar signs replace the pink ball hat. The pink ball hat was put onto the blond, curly, swishy haired head of the small girl. Army green would never be the same shade of green again. It turned darker and weary from that moment onwards. After a few weeks even the faint smell of pinkness had blown away from the store. Mr. Army-hat was never to be army green ever again, he had faded and darkened to a mere feltgrau. Never to recover again.

Left, the direction leading to disaster

You won't be there. When there are times that I need attention or merely a hug. You won't be there, how sad is that, when there is only tears covering my window and no one is there to dry them. You were jet black and I was snow dry. Puffy and fluffy and weak for you to remember me by. The grass was shivering with the thought of Autumn arriving and the sun couldn't wait to set high. Months were awaiting to pass us by and time hasn't managed the time. You are seriously here in front of me and my eyes are running dry. Nothing left to say, not even a simple 'hi'. The exhilaration has escaped from its threshold and now the clothes aren't even scattered over the floorboards anymore. Black silk on light wood. Cushioning my fall with your black kitchenette. Not black enough yet not too white, shades of gray filling it in but just too fast to escape the eye. Nervous to out my feelings, scared not to say a thing, wondering why your side is quiet and still. The birds have stopped their morning whistle and flirt, clouds have stopped moving past the horizon. As I pluck the cats hairs off my black winter coat - Winter? but it was only Fall - and flicker them in midair. straightening myself like an iron gliding its way through a formal, white blouse. Cannot tell you about my thoughts, for I have chosen to keep them to myself from now on then. And so the blankets fell off the bedside and slid onto the cold ground, shifting with its own weight. Leaving us bare. Nude. Exposed and fragile. Which we were to begin with, the end already spelled out for us. Which has now arrived. Go on. Continue.

Een rariteitenkabinet speelt spelletjes in mijn hoofd.

So many things.

All these things happened and I haven't had the space in my head to organize everything into its own little hiding space. The things that happened were great things and take a special part in my life-list of experiences. Interrail was great. Berlin - Prague - Vienna - Budapest. What a trip and fuck all the scams we had in Budapest. But the parties in Berlin - WOW. No words left except 'amazing'. Can't wait to go back to Berlin and explore so much more :)

Love has hit me as well, and hit me hard. He never leaves my mind and has got me head over heels. Our love is possible even though the distance is making things hard for us. But we make it work, somehow.

I had the most exhausting and amazing week at my fraternity - all the talking and the intimate friendships we got out of it were worth the hard work. Great learning experience!

There's so many more things but for a last, I'm going to Marseille coming Sunday with my boyfriend :D Can't wait to finally actually be together like a real and normal couple.

Those were the highlights but I've been through so many more things that I'm thankful for and my dad is finally moving to Holland! Can't believe it's all finally happening.. maybe I'm taking a risk by saying this, but my life couldn't be better at the moment. I am truly happy with all the love and happiness I am surrounded by. Every piece has fallen in to place it seems.

<3

02

And so the moving continues. It has been a busy week... IKEA, painting walls, cleaning rooms multiple times. In a few hours I am going to paint my wall the last time (I hope). After that I can finally sleep in my new, tiny room again. Friday they're going to transport the furniture over here and put the pieces together. This room is so tiny, everything will be built around my bed, that's how tiny it is - we are the earth intruders, we are the earth intruders - Bjork has the awesome-factor. And so the pots filled with Latex white paint are still standing in their places, the brush spotted and the roller wet from paint. My fingers look like the 101 Dalmatians, but then with white on white. The headache is present - paint in the air isn't good for my breathing either. So there is still no time for my breathing therapy exercises nor for my speech therapy. Breathe in, breathe out...

Where did my oxygen go?

So many shades of red.

This girl, she was not the usual kind, she never really was. 'Mary' is what they called here, 'Jane' is what she called herself. I prefer to call her Jane, because it's what suits her best. She is right on that part. Jane wanted to paint her hair in a different color. To get rid of the grayish tone in her hair, the grayish blond shade. It made her feel like someone she was not. This wasn't her way of living, her way of coping with life. One day she decided to walk, just walk, nothing special. The trees passed her by.. that's what it felt like, at least. Of course they didn't in reality, but Jane was living in such a reverse, it seemed as though everything was moving in the opposite direction. Green was not the color for her, too nature freakish, too greenish. It didn't convey the right message, the message of Freedom and Willpower. The trees never stopped passing by her until they did, and they did in the blink of an eye. Suddenly they were gone and replaced by buildings; houses of all sorts and shapes. Some painted in crimson, others with plain brick walls, and then others painted in a nice modern white. Breathing out sophisticated air. And there she ended her journey. The shop was standing in its upright position, facing her way. Tall and full of challenges. Five minutes later she had a hair product in her pale white hands; "Red Copper" it said. And so the decision was made and there was no going back. This would bring her senses, her self-esteem and her feeling of freedom back again. Just this simple color, this simple shade of red. Similar to the red brick buildings she had walked past a few moments ago. Small moments and small things should be cherished sometimes.

And so the moment goes on...

there she was. With high heels on and her neck glimmering with diamonds. Like the world was at her feet and she couldn't permit people to stop smiling at her gorgeous face. Because she was worth the smiles, she was worth the love and admiration. So many lows, so many mountains she has had to climb... she has been through it all. But no one knows. They only see her expensive jewelry, her topnotch job and her unaffordable beauty. I only know because she told me and trusted me enough to keep it a secret. Which it isn't anymore. She shouldn't trust people in her surroundings, not in the lifestyle she is living.

The tea is still hot and I'm brainwashed to the point where nothing will enter my brain anymore. My flesh wound is almost fully healed and the towels are drying. This weekend is going to be full of surprises and I can't wait to start! First an exam, photoshoot and other small obligatory things to do... but now, sleep :D I salute you.