Thursday, 26 January 2012


And just when you have lost hope
that the one thing you wanted to achieve in one go
would actually be achieved

it suddenly is there
the figments of hope that ran away all come back
crawl back into your arms
they ask for more, they want you to have more

makes you realize that
maybe, just maybe
the thing you hoped would happen
is happening right in front of you
as you watch
stand by the gates

if you want something
and that something isn't just some-thing
it is everything you live for
apart from the things you long for
you can grab it
touch it
make it happen.

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Mr. Ocean

The ocean is full of unsolved mysteries
full of creatures unseen
drops of water we can't see
eternity we can't resolve.

I want to swim through the drops of this ocean
let the drops touch my skin
see them evaporate in the sunshine
feel the cold yet refreshing water awaken me.

I want to pick up my soft-top surfboard
paddle into the far unknowns of the big waters
swim away from the things I left unsolved
the things I left unfinished.

Sit around the bonfire at night
lie down and watch the ink black sky
wait for a shooting star to pass by
feel the freedom of the summer.

I need you summer
not just to put a healthy glow on my skin again
but to put me back to life
make me happy again.

My friends said it wouldn't be this bad.

"There will be tears" and there sure have been.
"I can't be with you, but I can dream" and I still am.. dreaming.

Frank Ocean defines my emotions, every time again.

Saturday, 21 January 2012


My toes get cold quite quickly. So when I lie in bed, in my huge empty bed, it's hard to keep them warm. I crawl in a little bundle and hold my feet tight with my hands. It never really helps. I need you to keep my toes warm. Even if that is all you would give me, it would be OK.

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

I want to get to know you all over again. Let's see where we end up this time..


It's so fascinating that going for a walk can clear your mind, put things into perspective to such an extent that things that seemed so irrelevant or difficult before, suddenly seem so evident. I walked past the building with the rainbow colors. I still wonder who lives in that apartment building. One color per floor. Colors can be so fascinating, I don't know why. When I see trees with multiple tiny lights, the colors of the sky that fill the horizon after a sunny day... something strikes me. The magic that fills the earth is real. It exists. And we are allowed to watch it happen, we are allowed to profit off of it. The earth seems so powerful, yet we use its miracles like we're unstoppable. As if we rule the earth, when in truth, the earth rules us! I walked past a house with the name "Helena". Names on houses; me likey! Keeps me wondering what made the owners give it that exact name. Maybe the name belongs to a family member, maybe it reminds them of an important myth. There are so many things I don't know, and never will know. So many people that walk past me, and whom I can't ask what they're up to or what they live for. I don't even know what I live for.

Monday, 9 January 2012


Chaos is overruling my life at the moment. It's kind of bringing the whole 'Hello I am chaos, I'm going to make your life as chaotic as is possible' to a whole other level. First of all the mess I keep putting myself into, puts itself into a new mess.. to such an extent that my mind can't keep up. The song 'Turn Me On' by David Guetta makes me want to dance my chaos away. But I can't.. because chaos likes staying, it's very dependable. Since it needs me to organize the chaos so it can create new chaos, because once you're chaos... you can't keep making new chaos out of chaos. So.

But yeah this roommate is leaving. My room is temporary. I want to move into her permanent room. To achieve this I have to arrange a get together with new potential room-owners of my room. Choose someone. Arrange a contract for that person. Oh yeah.. and arrange my own contract for my own new room. Bluh. Hello stress. Oh and I forgot.. I have three exams and a paper this month. That's all. No stress. Zennnnnn..n..n....n . . . ...


I'm turning 20 this Thursday, can't. wait.