Thursday, 8 March 2012

Purple feather.

Sometimes love can just wait. It's been waiting for almost two years now in my case. In the time being I have thought, multiple times even, that I had found love. But it only lasted for a month, or two. In the end I always thought to myself "this wasn't real love. It was merely the love I feel for wanting to fall in love". I don't know what I'm waiting for and, frankly, I am not waiting at all. I feel good as I am right now. All the bullshit from this past month about people liking me and me liking people, and in the end not liking those people as much as I thought I did. The drama is finally over. Of course, sometimes I loved the attention. But the attention gets kind of boring when you have to wave it off every time. I don't know what I feel. Maybe I don't feel at all. Maybe my heart was stolen just like Grahams heart was stolen in 'Once Upon A Time'. I hope the wicked witch won't crush mine though. I hope someone finds my heart before she decides to. Am I even searching? No, I'm not trying at all. But I don't believe in trying to find love. I've been there before and honestly, I did not like it at all. I felt so forced upon. Like I was making things happen that didn't have to. And maybe I'm just making things bigger in my head than they ever were. Maybe I have this great idea of love that simply doesn't exist. But then again, I do KNOW how it feels and how I felt and how easy things were. So I'll just let it come to me when it comes. Till then, I'll be a happy single, just as I am right now. No men for a while. It can be so tiring at times. Maybe doves have it easier than me? They let fate decide. I hope to be a dove one day. A white one, with a single purple feather. Stand out for once. But then maybe I don't want to stand out. Maybe I just want to blend in with the rest so people won't have to stare at me. Observe me. I don't want to be in the spotlight. It tends to make me nervous.
Maybe I'm not purple, but Bordeaux red.

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