Drunk again.

This weekend I realized how hard it is to let go of things in life. This weekend gave a whole new dimension to that. The dimension of your grandmother not remembering who you are; oh the drastic forms this disease can take. I will never accept a few things either, but I am forced to live with them. Like the way home isn't home anymore, and the way my health isn't really cooperating anymore. That time will heal, and the clock will have to wait and stop ticking till I have time to relax one day. Tiresome nights and days are omnipresent, and daytime feels more like living through a lucid dream and nights feel more like living through sleepless reality. I don't always have control over the things I do anymore and the things I do tend to control me sometimes. Saying 'no' is a thing I can't manage to get used to and saying 'yes' is a word that occurs in my vocabulary too often. The chocolate addiction is still the same; the silly name HEMA gives it is 'Speckled milk drops', which sounds dull. The words I have to study come in thousands. English words which I actually know but can't stick a definition to. Life can be a bitch, but hey, so can I. Sometimes life races past me and sometimes the other way around. I can't beat time though.