Unwanted.

We always want something different. That something that is just that tiny bit harder to get, to achieve, to do. As children we did the things we were forbidden to do. Like the cigarette match in the car, the round thing which would light up if you pushed on the end of it. Mom would say it was forbidden, something bad would happen. This made me curious and gave some excitement to my life. What if? And that's just one simple example of all the 'what if's' that have overruled my thoughts. 'What if I open the door while my mom's driving on the highway?' 'What if I push the red handle in the bus?' We are always in search of something that gives our lives that exhilarating hint, that touch of illegal activity. And this aspect in life just keeps expanding, taking different forms, showing several possibilities, leading into different directions. Just like now. If there is someone that seems perfect, too perfect, he will never be enough. The person who I hate at times and then love at other times, he consumes me. So this vicious cycle of wanting what's not there, wanting the unwanted, the illegal, the danger. It keeps on going, never-ending, consuming us.