Monday, 16 April 2012


To be my own hero is what I've always wanted to be. I can do everything alone, I don't need help. Make my own friends, find my own house, manage to get home safely.. by my own. It is hard to admit that that's not always enough. That, in the end, I am as fragile as the rest and need someone by my side sometimes. That feeling hit me really hard this past weekend. Not just the feeling that sometimes, and just maybe, I want someone to take care of me instead of me always doing it myself. That I want someone to hug me when I'm about to collapse. Someone to squeeze my hand when I'm in pain, or hold me when I'm cold. To not only fill that empty space in my bed, but also the one in my heart. It's very hard to deal with that alone. The hardest part however, is that I don't think I will find that person to be there for me. I can't imagine what that person would be like. How that person could deal with me and accept me, like my friends do and I do myself. Being lonely isn't everything, being alone isn't enough eventhough there are a thousand friends surrounding you. Telling you they'll always be by your side, catch you if you fall. And somewhere, I am jealous of her. That she found that someone that won't give up on her and she can't give up on him. Yet in another place, I still want to be alone. Why can't being alone and being together get along for once?

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